HEAD COACH WANTED, is there anybody OUT there???

Whooo what a week! UA is STILL trying to a new coach...But Spurrier? Is he coming to T-town? HELL NO!!! Can everyone just hang on a freakin' SECOND??- OK.....I'm a realist...And I love AL football..Yes, but we've had a "quagmire" sort of football season -none the less I'm still a fan. Quite devoted too, but COME ON! STOP the nonsense about Spurrier. Does anyone really know what is going on? And if so you can't find it on the damn internet. GET REAL and let's get sane. I'll admit, I've fallen victim to email forwards, RUMORS cranking' left and right and HOPE It's probably not...(hang on) water...glunk... Choke down the pill......Ahhhhh. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! And I'm okay. Get me a coach that can work with coordinators and win more games than not. I'm a happy girl. Rich Rodriguez At UA?? The RODster...HOT ROD. Looks sexy enough to be Head Coach to me! COME ON DOWN!!!!

I I feel better, now....ONTO the AUbies. WTF is up with all of ya'll? Can't we all just get along? I mean, guys (and gals) COME ON!...Ya'll won the Iron Bowl...You got your Thumb statue...So why all the glum faces?...The green with envy and hater rebuttals to the Shula firing and speculation of a big name Coach at UA?? Didn't AUburn nearly fire Tubby a few years back over a less- than- optimal season? POOR GUY...HOLD ON on before that throbbing vein in your forehead bursts....Let me pay homage to AU...That was the time when AU nearly fired Tubberville and and rumors were cranking out that Auburn Athletics were pursuing another coach. He handled it so well...with class, class that I didn't know he had. That's when I knew Tommy Tuberville was a stand-up guy. That is when I figured out, hey this guy, just because he from that '"school down the road"has a huge heart. When I saw him cry on national television, I saw the pain and dedication in a man that no game could otherwise instill.

So, with that said, let me appeal to AUbies because you know where we are right now. You've been down this road. I personally don't feel sorry for Shula. Not after a season of sheer disappointment and agony; play after play (Whiskey after Whiskey) hoping and praying..."DON'T....NO -don't run it... Up.... The....AHHAHAHAHAAA DAMNIT SHULA! "...My heart (and kids) can't bear another season like 2006. We needed a change. We need a better COACH! So ya'll hang on and don't be so harsh. Understand that we deserve a decent Coach no matter what the price. Don't be haters....and yes we've still got a very long way to go no matter who ends up in Tuscaloosa, we need no reminders!!

I'm shutting up about the whole debaccal...and leaving it be. OK...weekend coming up....bowl games, stuff...cold weather and ahhhh hey it's almost CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll leave you as I normally do...I hope everyone is well.

Focus: Hangovers, aviod them! Don't mix diet colas or artifically sweetned sodas and alcohol (Dr. Manny Ramirez, FNN) Our liver needs a certain amount of sugar to metabolize alcohol. Calorie counters mix diet colas, low cal soads etc. in beverages.(I'm so guilty) and it's not a good thing! Avoid hangovers by hydrating (before that Cocktail party, down 16 oz of aquafina, disani, etc..) and eat! Eat a small meal before you indulge and snack while having beverages. Don't over- do- it this holiday season.

Don't : Drink and drive..that isn't cool. Get a cab, get a ride or stay on a sofa till dawn. DUI's aren't cool...and face it you don't look good in orange.

DO: Something nice for someone this Christmas, pick up a wish list for a senior or kid in need...Drop off $20 to a food shelter; It feeds more people than you realize. (Jimmy Hale MIsion/Jessee's Place Bham, AL)

Daily advice:
Take care of your LOVER...or some one else will.

Nurse Jenny

My Very Own Pooper

It's been 2 LONG years...And I'm back...I'm new Nurse Jenny now...Still the same old girl but boy has my life changed! I had a baby. A boy...So now that I've spawned and helped populate the earth it's time for me once again! Besides I love to write about a little of nothing...It's entertaining and well, just good for the soul.

I reflected on old posts today (Influenced by my good buddy Jammin' Jimmy C) and thought hmmm...It's time to update the old blogger. I left you with thoughts of Fall Daze and the Straight Pipe Story. So here you go...

Well- just this morning I was complaining to my hubby, Dr. Draper (reference Straight Pipe post) about having to share the Master Bath with everyone. ... It smells of BOYS! Everyone uses it as the "pooper"! I need my privacy- my very own pooper! I have an inner need to be ALONE for my bath time!! And be able to put on mascara without the stench of 20 minutes ago poop aroma...And echoes of, "Damn baby, those Jalepenos we ate last night are burning my tale pipe- WHEW!!"...For the LOVE of GOD can someone bulldoze the back my house and make room for Nurse Jenny her own shitter? Complete with automated "I'm in the shower right now, please step away from the door"...Message that sounds with the slightest tappy, tap- tap on the door. AHHH! ...I can dream can't I?

Ok, it's been wonderful to CHAT TODAY!!! I hope you all are great and had a wonderful Turkey Day. I, along with my kids and hubby have the Jamunjee Flu...OK not really but it's rough flu-like, mucus filled head, hacking and feeling like dying sort of gunk and it nearly ruined Thanksgiving. But none the less I cooked all the trimmings... Still had much to be Thankful for.
I leave you with the usual.

Focus: Handwashing; Did you know that 8 out of 10 people don't wash their hands after leaving the restroom. Can I say that's just nasty. Then the next thing you know, you're popping down peanuts at a bar from the Petri dish of nuts there on the bar with all your friends who don't' wash their hands either....(barf bag please) WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!! Don't get the Jamunjee Flu. (yeah don't go Google that, it really isn't a Flu)


Don't: Rub Vicks on your chest when you're sick, then rub your eyes...You haven't lived until your eyeballs are numb.

Do: See your doctor if you're sick. With the winter months ahead, you may find yourself on the sofa wanting your Momma. Sadly you can get sick from germs you got simply by turning a doorknob or pushing that filthy cart at the grocery. (see Focus) You may need medical attention for a cold or flu. He or She can give you the good stuff they don't sell down on the corner at Wallgreen's. HC Tussin is the way to go...It knocks a out a tough cough out in no time and you'll never sleep so good! Feel better when you're sick, you deserve it.


Take care of yourself, no one else will.

My, it's been too long. I've been so busy with work, football, etc. That I haven't had an idle moment to post again. Thank you Jammin' Jimmy for your slap on the hand comment about The Straight Pipe post...I am just being honest and you know, I thought it was humorours. I had no intension of disgusting anyone. TOUGHEN UP JIMMY! :)

I love music...all sorts and lately I am on a John Cougar Mellencamp- kick. He perfomed for the Friday Concert Series on the Today Show recently. I missed it! DANGIT! But I grew up listening to John and love, love, love his music. Jack and Diane, PLAY GUITAR!....I Need a Lover That Won't Drive Me Crazy, Pink Houses and I could go on and on...You know that would be a rockin' concert and I think I'd travel far and wide to see him play. He defines all around good Rock and Roll to me. It doesn't hurt that he is easy on the eyes, too.

The website for you John Mellencamp (or Cougar whichever you prefer to call him) says that there's been talk of a tour, but no dates yet. They will post any info forthcoming. www.johnmellencamp.com

Halloween is almost here! I've been watching the Monsterfest on AMC this week. Isn't there something so fun about getting the living poop scared out of you? I think I referenced this in a previous post. Sorry, I saw a bit of Scream II last night...Amittyville HOrrOr and Halloween 4 and 5. There's still nothing like the first and second Halloweens. It all went to crap after those.

I hope everyone is feeling well and has a safe and fun Halloween. Oh and there's on 54 days of Christmas shopping! Get with it so you won't be broke as shit by 12/25/04.

Stay tuned...We'll be singing Christmas Carols and giving out tips on gifts for that hard to shop for jerks name you drew at the office. I think I'll post that after a couple of my Mullingspice Cider and brandies. I'll post that recipe, too. It's a great fire-side drink to warm your cockles this winter....Talk about a night-cap.

Focus: Halloween Candy; No one gives out the good stuff anymore. Pixie stix, Super Blow Bubble gum, ZOTZ - remember those?, Charms Pops ( the blue ones), Red Hots, Space Dust, Gobstoppers, even that orange and black wax papered maple candy...and little packages of candy corn...I lived for halloween!
Get in touch with the kid in you. Eat some candy this Halloween!

Phrase: You're Craaaaaaaaaazy Maaaaaaaaaaan. (Will Ferrell in Old School after he get's shot in the neck with a tranquilizer gun...Hahaha! love it.)

Don't: Mix Space Dust and Red Bull. That could hurt...

Do: Mix Mtn Dew Red and Skyy Vodka. What a great fruity, caffeine- charged adult beverage.

Fall Daze...

Today's Saturday...It's a beautiful Fall day in the South...ahhh Saturday. My favorite day to frolic, get busy doing errands, house chores, shopping..It's MY DAY. My hubby's playing golf and I have the day to myself. I wish we had Saturdays twice a week. Don't you agree that Americans should have four day work weeks? I'd work four 10 hour days to have a three day weekend. I think there are parts of the world that do this? Not sure...

Halloween is close. I love this time of the year, the weather is changing, the leaves are beginning to change as well. Those crisp Autumn days with big blue skies and temps dipping, just does something to my soul. I feel most alive in the fall and springtime.

Halloween is a spooky time and there's something cool about getting the living poop scared out of you. I love to turn on the typical spook-fest flicks on AMC or Turner South. As always Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween plays 48 times during October, but somehow I never get tired of it. "Run girl....Run....And don't go into that closet!"....Doesn't she fall like a hundred times trying to get away from Michael?...We know the fate of Jamie Lee, but it never seems to get dull. It's my favorite of all of the spooky movies...What are yours? I'd like to watch something different this time around.

Well, I don't have too much today. I feel rested, ready to tackle the day, so I'll get to it.

Don't: Hide in the closet when there's someone chasing you with a butcher knife. They're going to find you and the chances of you getting out unscathed are slim.

Do: Pick up that loaded 45 from safekeeping, point, aim and scream... "Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of you!" (I love that quote)

Focus: Who the hell is Ralph Nader and where did he come from. Why won't he just give up?? I'm not politically knowledgeable, but I keep hearing this man's name and mentioned as a candidate for races...I don't get it?

Phrase: "It's on like... Donkey Kong!"

That's all, Take care of your guns...No one else will.

NuRsE jEnNy

The Straight Pipe

The straight pipe. Three words that pretty much sums up 'bowel disorder' or free flowing loose bowels...yes, I know it's disgusting but it's life. We all crap. We all get runny noses and have diarrhea and we all pretty much put our panties on the same way.

My hubby, I'll call him Dr. ED Draper, is precious and I love him, but he can't chew gum without having to take a shit. I bet he goes at least four times a day. I am almost convinced he has the straight pipe. I go once a day. That is really enough for me. Whose to say what is the "normal" number of times...I really don't care, just so long as it doesn't start interrupting our 'together time'..."Oh honey...oh baby...oh... I gotta shit... Sorry honey"...That won't work. But I do have some gripes to speak of.

I guess what bothers me most is the mornings. It never fails, every morning when I shower...He creeps in the bath hoping I won't hear him coming in... He quietly but quickly skurries into the bath hoping to get in and do his business before I can complain. Something about the odor of human feces and steam from a shower just doesn't go hand in hand. Calgon, take me away!!!....Far, far away.... I can't even choke my coffee down after that scouring. It's scary that something so smelly can come from someone so precious and SO MANY TIMES A DAY.

Now, I am not claiming that mine "doesn't smell"...I just don't parade in the bath while he's showering to do my thing. In fact, I don't even want the cat in the bathroom with me when I go. That's my PERSONAL time. I mean I know it stinks, I certainly don't need anyone else to tell me.

Maybe I can encourage Dr. Draper to indulge in more dairy products like cheese....Cheese is binding. Yeah! Ed needs "binding" for his bunghole.
Ahhhh I feel better, how about you?

Ok, I hope everyone is feeling good today. It's almost Friday so everyone eat right and rest well for the weekend so you can really tie one on for Football Saturday! Roll Tide!!!
That's what Saturdays are all about in the southland and we wouldn't have it any other way. Is there another way?? I don't wanna go.

Focus: Sleep; If you lose sleep, do you ever really catch up? Hmmmmmmmm?

Quote of the day:
"You damn Skippy!!" i.e; Are you going to watch some football this weekend Nurse Jenny? "YOU DAMN SKIPPY"... What does Skippy mean anyway?

Don't: Wash your clothes with towels...They make little balls on your garment. I said little balls...heh.

DO: take your stuff to the cleaners and let them take care of it...Life's too short to stand around and iron. June Cleaver is dead.

That's all, I'll post again soon.

Take care of your colon, No one else will.

Nurse Jenny

I am feeling especially silly today...

Hi, I'm nurse Jenny, not by trade... at least anymore, but that name suits me because I am a nurse, but I don't wish to partake in that occupation anymore. Nurses (the females) are really hard to work with...witches actually. I am not a witch, just another adverage everyday girl that works in an office or we'll say 'the cop shop'. My name is acutally Jenny, but what does it matter "you can call me Roy or you can call me"....whatever...

My "Daily Dose" may consist of health advice ranging from hang-over help to PMS to getting your spouse to stop calling you a hundred times a day. The best tampons to buy, what girls hate, why guys are jerks... Take or leave my advice, I am not a professional, so you're taking my advice in a fun sort of way. In other words don't try this at home. Don't be STOOPID as my son likes to say...

It's after Five O'clock and I've just finished off a bag of pork skins courtesy of my friend Jammin' Jimmy C..Thanks Jimmy and you can unload on me anytime. See JC Ramblings Blog...

Focus today:Don't you agree that religious art shouldn't be posted in an office building?
That should get a response...(Don't be STOOPID)

Today's phrase: "OH MY ACHING JOHNNY"...my Grandad always says that...I still don't know what he meant...Maybe it's a Southern thing.


My Daily Dose:
Don't shoot Maker's Mark and eat scrambled eggs. Icky, Icky, messy experience.

Do Drink Red Wine, it's yummy and it freaks people out when your teeth turn purple. It puts me in my...happy place. Try Liberty School Cabernet..

I think that is it...i'll post again later.

Take care of yourself, no one else will.

Nurse Jenny