Monday, January 28, 2008

No One Likes A Smart Ass- The Myth of the MIL

It's Monday and I'm in a decent mood. The sun is shining and it's getting warmer. I have a lot to do today, so I'll go ahead and get the complaints out of the way.

There's nothing like having In-Laws. I think I could have gone all of my life without them. When my husband dropped down to one knee on the porch of my apartment nearly five years ago this month, knowing the In-Laws now, I should have asked; Can we just date for like 15 years? But once you've bought the token, you have to ride. And the last year of my marriage has been anything but a joy ride.

I've bitched about them before (The MIL) but I deleted the post out of guilt that my hubby might read my blog and get his feelings hurt. But today, I don't give a rip. I had a revelation a couple weeks ago, seeing as I'm 37 years old, and quite entitled to my opinion and views e(especially when it comes to our lives and children). So I've been firing off my humble -but-accurate opinions of them to my husband and anyone else who cares to listen. I always thought it was a myth, the whole thing about the Mother In Law/Daughter relationship. I'm here to say, it's real.

There's something about a woman who has Mothered, but not given birth to her children. I think it's the tearing,pain, and the blood, sweat and tears of giving birth. It really puts things into prospective. God gives most women who have birthed their babies a sense of selflessness, an innate ability to care and love that the devil himself couldn't put a wedge between. In other words you grow up, right there on the spot and suddenly nothing else matters. I think that is one very small part of why my MIL is such a monster. She is the polar opposite of a true, biological Mother. She's more like a Nanny from Hell. Or that Aunt with a big hairy mole on her chin who always wants to get right up in your face. I'm exaggerating her a bit, she doesn't have the mole but she has the eye. One eye that drifts as your talking. You're not sure it she's looking at you or the person behind you?? Whatever, it's symbolic and matches her personality to no end.

My MIL is in costant competition, and almost childlike with everyone, especially me. She is right, ALL OF THE TIME. She's an Educator and probably knows more than me, I can't argue. But SHE IS RUDE (she's Northern, go figure) and that is inexcusable. She clips articles about; Sun Exposure, Smoking, Cat dander... Anything that she can indirectly aim at me, cowardly tucking away in my son's diaper/day bag for me to read later. I have thoughts of saving them and making a collage along with all those credit card applications that come in the mail. All are unsolicited and unwanted . Lastly, I hate innuendos. She's the QUEEN at dropping them, with a goofy laugh and toothy grin. Cleverly, she takes didgs on me, them and disguises them as if she's giving you a compliment or advice. It pisses me off to realize later in the conversation, she wasn't kind being at all. She was being a SMART ASS. And you and I both know, no one, especially when it's coming from your spouses' Mom...NO ONE LIKES A SMART ASS.

OK, I digress, it's pointless. She'll be on the road back to Maine come May. We have plans to go there in June for their 50th Anniversary. I'm contemplating having my Gallbladder removed that week or some elective surgery that might get me out of the trip. I think I'd rather have a colonoscopy with no anesthesia than to be paraded around with the MIL and an agenda chock-full of places to visit like the Bangor Museum, Dusty historic sites, and long canoe trips on the Penobscot where I'm sure I'll hear that I'm out of shape and "paddle harder!" It's like Meet the Parents only she isn't retired CIA, but damn she could be.



TO DO: Say what you mean, don't hold it in for weeks until it eats your esophagus raw with GI acid. You'll just end up with and Endoscopy and fried on Versed and Demerol for two days (that wasn't a terrible thing) Stress will hurt you. And bottled feelings cause stress. GET IT OUT!

Focus; On Spring, it's right around the corner, warmer weather and sunny days are coming. The days will get longer and there's more time outdoors. Grill out and have a beverage with friends. Friends and laughter are good for the soul.

Take care of yourself, no one else will.

Nurse Jenny